I have been on concerted job hunt since August, once Outdoor Retailer showed me DirtTRI was most definitely not going to be continuing in the form of a for profit digital magazine. Maybe it could be a blog, or something similar but it was not going to be an ad driven, advocacy and marketing endeavor. I wish it could have been, but its just not happening. The segment is too small, the industry is in transition, the work is too much for a minimal team… “you can’t always get what you want“.
I had tried everything; maximizing SEO and Google ad reach, courted funds and investors, sought out grants, and almost created what would have been a pretty cool series of events in North America and Europe. Alas, in the end the pieces just didn’t fit.
The reality of this had been hanging over me for a while. Its strange the anthropomorphic qualities a concept or project you work on for so long can take on. I tried with DirtTRI, I really really tried, but in the end it was just too high maintenance.
Did I just “dump” DirtTRI?
Today I found a job that is ideal for me. Its a senior level gig with components of community building, PR, and recruiting within the technical demands of the STEM space. Perfect for a tech nerd, marketing guy.
However, while trying to tweak my resume just so, and pen the perfect cover letter (as if that were possible) I was paralyzed by the thought, “this recruiter is gonna go to DirtTRI and then what?” I wanted to explain to this phantom what had happened. I wanted to publish a statement addressing just that and explaining the challenges without spilling the beans on what I really know but probably shouldn’t say about the business of sport.
After doing so I had a strange feeling of relief. I’ve put thousands of hours and tens of thousands of dollars into DirtTRI. I’m frustrated it didn’t work out, but I’m confident its not entirely my fault…probably not even mostly my fault, it was a conspiracy of events, and it happens to businesses every day. However, after writing that post I felt relief. It was no longer that bad relationship I was avoiding by not posting anything since August. It wasn’t “on hold”, it was done. “Dear readers, this isn’t going to work, I’m in debt and need to find a real job”.
Now I’m here writing about the post I wrote to address the application I was trying to write. Really I’m fascinated by the “weight off my shoulders” relief I’m feeling. And a bit stunned by how similar this is to when I accepted I was done being a “pro athlete” earlier this year.
In both DirtTRI and my pro athletic career, I come away with a feeling of regret that I should have done things differently, sooner, made better decisions. I guess that’s why they call it “experience”. Yet, I’m not finished writing or racing, but now I’m going to be able to do those things I want rather than trying to make something work that just isn’t.
As I continue to move past the darkness that was the beginning of 2018 I’m finding “growth” incredibly intriguing.